only if we run a train.
done.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
