Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
