I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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