Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
