drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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