There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Vodka?
Forever.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
