Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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