Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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