i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
