Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
