Welp...herpes.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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