There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
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