Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
