His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
