the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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