I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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