OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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