Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
