I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
