I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
My liver just had a heart attack.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I have fence marks all over my body
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Randomize