Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
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