fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
She bit a glass in half.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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