Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
