Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
