I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
