Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
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