When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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