just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
