census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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