you win again, gameday.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
