Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
