Moan for me like Helen Keller
I feel great
I just peed on a car
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
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