And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
