Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
