Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
