I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
this just has baby written all over it
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
