i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
