Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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