this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
