Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
