Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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