Dude my mom stole all your condoms
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
