wake up i wanna do it froggy style
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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