Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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