you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
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