When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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