I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
