I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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