I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Randomize
