im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize