He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
