Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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