I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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