is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Randomize
