$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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