Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
