Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
