I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Just invented taco cereal.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
