hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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