Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
