my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
