her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize