my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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