This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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