I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
