I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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